First a little background info. The husband and I were raised very differently.My parents ALWAYS made their anniversary sacred. It was THEIR day no children allowed. They took time to be alone and actually even without an anniversary they always did Friday night dates (which they still do). My dad has ALWAYS bought my mom presents for their annversaries (and my mom buys my dad a present too). It tends to be a bit more elaborate now than I am sure it was early in their marriage...Anyway my point is Expectations. Expectations from our different views from our up bringing. We both agree our anniversary is about us, it's time for us to reflect and rejuvenate and remember the day we married. We also agree on date nights, b/c without happy mpommy and daddy there's not happy children. We typically take a weekend atleast for our anniversary every year. This yr it just wasn't going to work...there's too much going on with tiling the kitchn and all. So here is a recap of our past anniversaries...
1st we had actually booked a trip back to Kona Village, but we decided we should wait until our 5 th anniversary. So we spent the entire weekend before together and we went to sign a contract to buy a house on an acre with huge trees...well the lady made me mad. She was COMPLETELY inflexible. She said we couldn't ask for a wrought iron fence or whatever other minor things we wanted. We figured out later the lady we were working with originally had car troubles, but she would have gotten the commission not this lady...so anyway It all worked out in the end. We enjoyed La Hacienda Ranch and Cheesecake Factory that weekend..and we did eat a little of our wedding cake from the freezer.
2nd yr I was 9 mths preggo with Matthew...technically I was 36/37 weeks my doctor had checked me the week before and I was already 2 cm...she told me she was nervouse about me staying alone being so dilated (in retrospect I had been leaking fluid for months with hard contractions it's a wonder I made it to 38 weeks)...anway thay week my husband was in Kansas, my parents were in Washington and my Doctor was on an island with her husband. Seriously. On our anniversary I dropped the husband at the airport and cried and had terrible contractions...but a sweet friend and her mother and niece met me for lunch and shopped with me...and that made my day. If that old friend ever reads this (and remembers that), I hope she knows how very much that meant to me.
3rd anniversary I was 6 mths preggo with baby #2...the husband was out of town, so I flew out for the night. We ate at Chili's and went to bed wohoo! Then he dropped me off at the airport to fly home ;-)
4th anniversary AWWW we had a not quite 2 yr old and a not quite 9 mth old... and we flew to Cancun with a nice layover in Chicago that was not planned. I fell on our anniversary flat on marble...when we had it x rayed a couple weeks ago (b/c the husband was NOT letting me see a doctor in Mexico..he would have had me flown back seriously)...blood was pooled in the back of my head. the doctor was shocked completely shocked...there was nothing that could be done then. So, I tried to keep up my running, but slept most of the summer. That's what happens after a concussion of that magnitude ;-).
5th Anniversary we stayed home. We went to see The Break Up and I HATED it...the husband liked it b/c it was realistic :p. Then we had some yummy Grasshopper custard!!! The rest of the weekend we goofed without children.
6th anniversary we went to a nearby city for Thursday-Sunday. We watched movies, layed around, went running, played....It was nice until we were on our way to our reservations and I said (famous for me saying what I think with no meaning behind it)...I made some comment about how his parents don't do anniversaries like we do or my parents and I guess that's why he doesn't get presents for me....he got a little mad b/c he felt like I was saying stayng in a hotel wasn't good enough that is not what I meant...I meant we had found our own little way of doing things. ....so anyway 1 thing led to another and I said (still not mad or trying to be mean...I seriously just don't think sometimes....) "well after 6 yrs of nothing I don't expect anything." I MEANT I don't expect a present...I KNOW he sees a trip as a present. I see an effort in buying a card and spending 5 or 10 dollars on flowers or a trinket...seriously I am not hard to please. So anyway he ended up buying me a $10 ring...it was a HUGE pink flower. When cleaning out my purse last yr I accidentally threw it away...SSHHH :-(.
Our 7th...we flew to Vegas. Lets just say another learning experience. We learned I CANNOT gamble seriously I can not bring myself to watch money just leave. He views it as the same as buying a ticket to a show...you pay a certain amount for a ticket to a show and you get nothing back. I see it as money I could ahve gone shopping with :-). yes that was a fun discovery. We would like to try that trip 1 more time and make some adjustments. He did sneak a ring and a little wooden box at the airport (he paid for it...he snuck off to get it). The ring is silver and says Joy Hope Love and it never leaves my rt hand. It was a $5 ring but is very special.
Our 8th....He is working in town, we're tiling the kitchen....we had planned to take the weekend after to go stay somewhere,...we just don't have the time. SOOOO We went to eat at Cheesecake Factory. He tried to take me to buy a present...and I said no. I told him to get me something AFTER the kitchen is finished :-). PLus, hawaii was a crazy 16 day trip....and like I said I don't expect anything :p. We do plan to take a weekend later in the summer when we get this whole house thing sorted and settled. Yay
For our 9th....hmm IDK what we will do.
Our 10th we will be on a 7 day trip to Hawaii...we will likely try a new island (ogh and I WILL be a 0 again...I DO NOT like being a 4 I am just plain pudgy bleh). We have also contemplated having our children go for a week with us...then send them home and we stay for a week for our anniversary....We will have to see what we can afford...
Not that anyone cared...but it's fun to reflect on past anniversaries and lessons learned! I will load a few pics in a post from cancun.
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4 comments:
fun reminiscing and very true about expectations.
we were living in phoenix for our 1st and 2nd anniversaries. for the 1st (2002) we went to a little cabin in sedona. for the 2nd (2003) we took a late, impromptu (as in joel called me one friday morning from work and asked if i wanted to drive up that afternoon for the weekend...it was in april...our anniv. is in feb., but we called it an anniv. trip) trip to las vegas. that weekend we found out i was expecting grady. (i hated vegas by the way...we didn't even gamble, but it was just so yucky there to me...although the water fountain show thing at the bellagio was really cool)
since then, basically i've been nursing. ;) so, we never went anywhere alone. we've still never gone anywhere or left the kids (all of them) overnight...for nursing reasons...we always have at least the nursing baby with us. ;)
i didn't grow up with my parents doing anything for their anniversaries...no dates really or anything. they never left town alone except for when my mother had to have surgery...romantic, right? ;) so, it hasn't been so different for me...but it would still be nice for sure. ;) i've been around people for so long now that do things differently than what my parents did (i.e. date nights, romantic get-aways, etc.), that now those are more the standard for us than the way we were raised necessarily. funny how that happens.
anyway...long-winded and not that you even give a rat's hiney, :), but was just pondering as i read your post. funny how expectations can really wreak havoc sometimes, but also how we always just kind of adapt and make our own way too (like you and the hubs have done...hilarious about your quick comments by the way...when D got offended). ;)
alright, the end (finally). ;)
Michawn I DO care!!!! I am very social, but very shy. I LOVE to hear about other people's memories and how they do things. I love to read your memories and anything you have to say!!! I am particular about WHO my children stay with. They have only stayed over night with my parents. It is fun to see how things change and evolve in marriage. expectations have to change over time. I feel like we're in a really good place now...we have figured things out and I have learned he loves me no matter what...yes I use to doubt it. The idea of unconditional love was hard for me to grasp. Anyway! Feel free to comment and be long winded I LOVE it!!!!
This is the e-mail my mother in law sent to me so I thought I would include it as a public comment. I assume she doesn't know how to comment on here, so I am helping her out.
I guess our Expectations are a bit different from yours or your parents.
Although it sounded like we didn't celebrate anniversaries. We were
married in 1965 and our first child came in 1969; so that was 1966, 1967
and 1968 that we had our ALONE time. After 1969, the child we had
wanted so very much was here and that is when WE decided to INCLUDE them
in our celebration. We could also see the needs they would have. so we
saved. We do not think Derek has a student loan and he only worked
during his Senior year as far as we know. As for David; he does have
Student loans; but with a wife and 2 beautiful girls; they felt that
necessary.
We love both boys very much and I don't think I have to mention the love
and respect we have for one another; just that we will have our 44th
Anniversary in August.
I agree that Derek would be an awesome husband because he is a great
person. I guess I have always stresssed that our vacations are our
gifts to one another. A vacation was then and is now very special.
I am r eally sorry that our names were left off when you stated that the
only ones you trusted to leave the kids with were your Mom, Uncle D and
Aunt M. We love those 2 kiddos and would never bring harm to them.
-----Love, Patsy-----
Let me state here I DID not say that I didn't trust the MIL. I stated my children have only stayed over night with my parents. There are 2 reasons, 1 My mom is here 2. the in laws are 4 hrs away and can not drive here...they also can not drive or give small children baths...but we do leave them for short periods when we are in town. We TRIED to leave them over night there once and had to return @ 2 am to get them.
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