Sadness

I've been stumbling upon other people's blogs and finding so much sadness...from babies dying just weeks after discovering they ahd cancer to husbands dying days after discovering they had cancer...UGH!!!! Sadness sadness sadness...

That is why I plan ahead and think...very strangely I have decided if something happened to me I would want my husband to marry again (I won't think about what that REALLY means)...merely that he would have a friend, a companion, someone to love him and take care of him and to love my children and to take care of my children...b/c they do need some motherly love (although NOONE will ever be their mommy or mom or mother but me...EVER).

That said I do not expect to have anything happen to me EVER :-). I expect for us to be married another 60 yrs and die in eachothers arms in our little retirement home on the beach in Hawaii....I plan to hold my great grandchildren and to love them all as much as I love my 2 babies.

I am sad for those people who have lost children and spouses and parents...I am managing to hold the tears in for now...but it is sad and doesn't make sense. I guess not much makes sense in life...so love and live (I mean REALLY live) everyday...and know Jesus as your saviour and trust Him...that is about all we can do. My sweet friend suggested I quit "stumbling" upon other people's sadness...perhaps she's right...

Late Night Movie Watching

I'm watching this movie on LMN. It's about a parole officer who decides to start this class for kids whose parents are in jail. I taught 5th and 6th grade emotionally disturbed children in public school for exactly 1 yr. I was only 23/24. I was really in over my head and I didn't have back up from the administration. Not to mention the "regular" teahers didn't all have the heart to love these kids...I was easily manipulated. Well, I made them mad when I quit.

My year was miserable. I was sick to my stomach ALL the time, I dreamed about these kids EVERY night. I couldn't handle it anymore. Here are a few of their stories...

1 sweet boy moved from California where he had seen his older brother killed in a gang fight. He was VERY sweet, but wouldn't talk at first. He finally started opening up some...but disappeared I think back to California. The best gift I EVER recieved was from him...a porcelain angel. I don't know if it was his parents or from the dollar store, but I still have it. I still think of him.

Another little guy was a character...but that poor kid's mom had broken arm when he was in Kindergarten with a baseball bat...Can you imagine? Meetings with his mom were beyond interesting...I guess I understand why administrators wouldn't suspend a kid like him.

The girl who caused me the most stress...that child should have had severe consequences. I am a firm believer in some kids who are "special" still need to be punished as a normal child. That gilr injured my arm by hitting it (she was bigger than me) and by shoving me in to a wall. "Special" or not she needed to know there were consequences.

Then there was the poor skitzophrenic child. How my heart breaks for him. Looking back I think his mom was telling me something...and I was so young I didn't understand.

Then there were the kids who didn't have a dad or had been abandoned...I LOVED those kids and I think that was my problem. My fiance (now husband) would always tell me you have to seperate work from home...leave it there. I couldn't. Like I said I dreamed about those kids, I talked about those kids, I worried about those kids...I didn't cry when the year ended, I don't think. I already knew I was not going back....I had secured a position at the private school where I taught prior to that year. I also knew I was getting married in 2 weeks...I think I was so warn out from the stress of the year. I gained weight that year and I just couldn't wait to get away.

Those kids are all adults now and I wonder what happened to them. Did they follow their parents foot steps or the path you would assume they would follow? Did they go to college and make good decisions? I don't know. Sadly I can't remember most of their last names....to do any research. I wonder if I would ever be good at that now that I have experience as a parent...and some wisdom with age and experience. I don't know.

The Adventures Of Sadie....

My 90 lb lab is a character. Mostly she is a lovable beatiful girl, but tonight she made me SOOOO MAD! She does not like baths and so I usually delay them...they usually occur when either

1.) we're having company or

2.) I can't stand it anymore

Well, I was VERY sick the past few weeks with pneumonia, fun stuff. I couldn't bathe her...even now I am still tired. Anyway, tonight was THE night I couldn't stand it. The weather was nice, and she was dirty so why not? She took off running and in the process stepped on my foot and scratched my toe as she was running away. Then I was mad and determined to finish the job. I caught her and drug the entire 90 lbs of lab back to the porch. I nearly gave myself a heart attack. In the meantime the husband is sitting on the couch watching TV and the children are running around the backyard laughing hysterically at me and the dog who is almost as big as me. I got her trapped b/t me, a chair and the bricks of our house. I held not only her color but the fat around her neck. I was ANGRY at this point, b/c not only had she hurt my toe, but she nearly killed me. The amazing part is, that dog could likely take me down and she chooses to just let me pull her, drag her and yell at her. She is likely laughing the whole time as well. That dog, I swear. My cat is by far less trouble...

I have to Complain

I am having an issue..it's apparently been an issue for a long time (maybe since my daughter was a baby)...but in January a very noticeable, strange and somewhat scary issue started...so last week I found out there is something causing these issues...which is a little scary. Tonight I am having ALOT of pain..like I am in knots. My doctors app't can not come soon enough. I just want to know if it's "serious" and I want it removed....Unfortunately I think I will have to start taking something I do not like taking AT ALL :-(. As long as this is not too serious and just certain things are removed...it is good for the husband and sad for me. I will deal with it after I see the doctor and know for sure...

Just another day....

Today was a fun day, even if I didn't accomplish anything! We played hide and seek for a long time, Candyland and built a castle for the puppies. The family room is covered in toys...and I didn't vacuum or dust or fold (well I folded a little...and then they unfolded). It is amazing having SOOO much help from my husband the past 2 weeks has put so much of me back. I am not cranky AT ALL. I feel relaxed and happy and ready to play. I think I needed to get sick and I needed to be spoiled. Around here (and I am not complaining)...I deal with anything house or child oriented...My husband just work. Now that would be an issue if he had a normal job, but he doesn't. He owns his own business and works harder than any man I know. I still need times of him doing more for me...b/c apparently it rejuvenates my spirit :-). Today was good, today made me feel like a good mommy even though organizing and cleaning went out the window. We did do our reading lesson :-)....and they continue to amaze me!

Maybe next week I will physically be better enough to get out and about and ride bikes. Today I wasn't sure I could keep up...vacumming yesterday made me insanely tired!

Sorry there are no pictures...if I had taken a picture my hiding place would have been given away...and right now I have one they can not find! It's so funny! I can always find them, b/c they don't have a huge repetoire yet and there is always snickering and giggling :-).

Candyland...my son won, my daughter came in 2nd and I came in last....and no there was no manipulating of the cards ;-). It was a fair game.

The puppies castle is still standing...it's made out of the massive baby legos. There are tons of puppies sleeping in it tonight :-). My sweet babies. They are asleep together, of course. So much like having twins...they are eachothers best friends. I am so thankful for both of them...the silly girl who "doesn't like anything (yeah right)" and my serious boy who gets his feelings hurt so easily. What would I do without their precious smiles every morning and goodnight hugs and kisses every night? They are my world.

I will leave you with a few "funnies." They were eatng lunch today and my daughter said, "Mommy why don't you want dogs and daddy doesn't want anymore children?" I told her mommy doesn't want dogs, b/c animals make messes and we already ahve too many animals as it is (3 not including my 3 monkies (husband and 2 children) ). Daddy doesn't want more children, b/c he wants to be sure to have plenty of money to provide for the 2 he has. and my son said..."and he does except airplane tickets." My husband travels and every week they ask to go with daddy...and he tells him he wishes they could, but airplane tickets cost alot of money.

What is my problem with "A town"

So I was trying to decide why I can not stand the city my inlaws live in. I realized it is a combination of things. It is definetly dusty and dirty (so I feel I need 10 showers). I don't really like staying with people (although my brother in law and sister in law always have a very clean nice place...). The taste in my mouth I get when I think about going is so gross...I think that is the food. I am a weird vegetarian eater. I don't like salt (which is in processed foods...which I try to avoid), I don't like eating out (except for certain places )...those places have GOOD salad and/or soup. Here are the things I eat....Ceasar salad (not too strong...like Corner Bakery...yum), chick fil a's fruit and chicken salad (with the chicken removed)...and some chick fil a's have nasty lettuce...so even that can be hit or miss, plain pasta, baked potato, sweet potato (baked or fries), tomato basil soup, tomato bisque. I also eat fresh fruit...green beans (not canned I don't like canned foods)...oatmeal, malt o meal, cheerios....When we go we eat mainly junk....salty gross take out food. On the road, it's a long trip...always has been but seems even more so with 2 little people....and a husband who is barely home as it is. When you stop to go to the bathroom it's always a nasty truck stop. We get snacks in those...and it's junk...The packing and then coming home with TONS of dirty clothes and having to wash iron and then repack my husband so he can leave...It is a lot of work.

Yes, I think that is why I despise going SOOO much. I am a werid eating vegetarian hermit. I LOVE traveling, but I like to just be us (closed...not necessarily socializing and I am that comfortable with only a few people). I NEED REALLY NEED my privacy. I am NOT the same if I do not have space :-).

A Few Pictures....

Working hard on our dinosaurs

I love how innocent my children are...they were playing army men and I even let my son get a gun at the dollar store...but the enemies were dinosaurs, what else???

Naptime when Mommy was sick

One of my daughter's creative outfits....